Duty trumps desire…

Got a call this a.m. from my mom. She was headed into substitute teaching gig (she is a retired teacher) when she got dizzy, woozy, tight chested, etc.

A neighbor had to drive me to go get her and her truck. My anxiety levels were dangerously high before and now? Even higher.

However, one thought keep playing in my mind, that I was glad I was here to help her.

When I first came down to TX, I had been living in L.A., near the beach and loving it. However, my sister that lived here in TX needed help w our mom doing caregiving post tibia surgery.

I thought my time here would be temporary. I had planned to return to Cali after my mom was better. However, sister and her family based in TX moved to OH and I didn’t like the idea of our widowed elderly mom here in TX with no family in state. In short, daughter duty trumped being a beach bum.

I have struggled adjusting to life here in TX. I miss the West Coast. I just don’t fit in here and yet, I cannot bring myself to leave.

Days like this, as I sit in the ER waiting room as they admit my mom and run tests on her, I am so glad to be in a place that has no love for me. Isolation is hard. My mental health isn’t the best…and yet, I wouldn’t change locations bc I know this is where I must be.

Desire no longer trumps duty as it did when I was younger.