When depressed, I go numb…

“When depressed, I go numb and can’t stand it. Whenever tears finally come, I can breathe again. Salt water washes away the grime. Makes me clean again… or clean-ish at least… The depression never lifts before an adequate amount of tears have been shed.

It’s as if the tears are the fee to be paid before a sense of relative normalcy can return.” – IRD, 12/6/17

It’s a rainy, cold, & gloomy day. I’m sipping on tea and making sense of impossibly large stacks of my scribblings. I felt compelled to share this snippet on depression today.

For the longest time, I couldn’t talk or write about my experiences. It hurt too much. I would cry and shut down. The healing had just begun.

I’m grateful I am not where I used to be. I am grateful I can feel without shame. I spent most of my life suppressing emotions. I would fake it till I made it. However, whenever I suppressed emotions in the past, I set myself for a greater setback and explosion farther down the road, so to speak.

Resisting emotions and trying to deny the existence of them (emotions) isn’t unheard of. However, it is the worst thing that can be done if one ever hopes to be lifted or rather, rise up from the darkness & into the light. #realtalk