I didn’t realize how sick I was…

… last year until I stumbled upon this snapshot tonight:

My eyes had no light. It hurt to smile. I was lucky if I managed to rest every few days, even with sleep meds. I was totally numb.

That dark, destructive place is one I had visited before. The last time I was there was in 2008, the year I should have died.

I am not sure what prevented me from attempting suicide this time around. The thought ran through my mind. However, I quickly dismissed it as an option. Instead, I let myself rest and, for the first time, treated myself with genuine love & kindness. For me, that’s growth.

I suppose, I finally believe that no matter how fucked up things get, there’s always a chance things will get better. All I have to do is remember to breathe and keep holding on. πŸ––πŸ’“πŸ˜Œ